"Work-place Violence"?! A Government Cop-out is More Accurate

November 5, 2009

Where were you on that day? I distinctly remember wearing my navy blue nursing scrubs, the pocket embroidered with my nursing school's logo, my white tennis shoes. I was assisting a patient to sit-up in bed when a breaking news announcement on the patient's television buzzed in the background. I turned my head to see headlines about a shooting at Fort Hood. There has been an attack on soldiers preparing to deploy, the newscaster said.

You know how during a climatic scene of a movie the world slows down, you can hear your heart beat and you lose your peripheral vision? That's how that moment felt. Two names flashed into my head: Bergmeier and Burnett.

I gracefully excused myself from the patient's room and retreated to the breakroom, my squeaking shoes echoing off the walls and shiny linoleum. A fellow student found me propped up against the lockers, furiously texting everyone and anyone who might know about the two soldiers from my unit that were at Fort Hood preparing to deploy to Iraq. She tried to comfort me, insisting that it's a large Army and my friends were probably fine, probably at a different location all together.

I nodded half-heartedly, dropped the phone into my pocket and returned to the patient's room. I mindlessly fluffed pillows and checked IV lines, all the while having my ears tuned into the reports as they became available. My patient did not mind my obvious distracted demeanor as he was incredibly focused on the television as well. He called it a terrorist attack. I swallowed and nodded as initial death tolls and suspected injured ran across the scrolling banners.

Terrorist Attack.
13 dead. 32 injured.

That day, before all the details and investigations were known, we knew in our guts that it was an act of terrorism. My extra sense also told me that the soldiers from my unit were there.
While not close to either Bergmeier or Burnett, it was hard for me to comprehend how someone I played poker with or spent drunken nights at the local karaoke club with a few months ago could be victims of terrorists attacks.

Bergmeier was not physically harmed during the incident. In fact, he carried on with the mission he set out to do and finished a tour in Iraq. He could've stayed home, but didn't. He is a HERO.

Burnett was shot three times and has been trying to physically and mentally recover for 3+ years. Burnett fought back against the terrorist. He is a HERO--I can only hope that if I ever encounter the same situation that I can be just as brave.

These men were expecting to encounter danger in Iraq, not at home while doing routine paperwork, not by an officer in the same uniform with weapons of war.
BUT:
Our government has refused to recognize it as an act of terrorism. They call it "work-place violence" and our soldiers have not been compensated for wearing their uniforms that day and coming under fire for being soldiers. I follow SPC Burnett on Facebook. The whole time he was being treated for his injuries, he was also being treated as a no-good bum unworthy of respect while being compensated very little for his war injuries.

It is appalling, disgusting and abhorrent that the government, the Army, the powers-that-be are still dicking around three years later. It was so obvious on the day Hassan became infamous that he is a religious extremist, a terrorist, a traitor and a murderer. Why hasn't UCMJ been swift in trying and convicting him? Why hasn't he been served the death penalty yet? Why is he still alive? WHY IS HE STILL BEING PAID???

Can we please let go of being politically correct? Stop worrying about offending a particular religion? Of being afraid that yes, terrorism really does exist? Can we say it together? "TERRORISM EXISTS, FORT HOOD WAS TERRORISM."

I am embarrassed once again to call myself a freedom-loving, patriotic American while these shenanigans exist. My heart goes out to SPC Burnett and all the other injured and killed soldiers, to their families and loved ones. I apologize for my role as a citizen.

In the meantime, I want to solicit the knowledge of the masses. Who do I write my strongly worded letter to in order to correct this injustice? Who's contact information should I share with others so they can add pressure to the situation, too? How do we fix this?

Defining Health

As I become older, I have become more confused about what "healthy" really means. (A fair warning that there is some rambling in this blog.) Most textbooks would have you believe it's a perfect balance of physical, mental and social well-being, always depicted with an equilateral triangle. If one of the sides becomes disproportionately large or small, then the "triangle of life" is unbalanced and, for reasons unknown, needs correction. 

But I reject the triangle because there's a fourth side of spiritual. Spiritual captures a person's emotional well-being--feelings of self-worth, connectedness to others and their environment, etc. For the religious, it's about a connection with a higher power. Spiritual is separate from mental. Mental is the accumulation and application of knowledge--whether it's book or street smarts. A person can have a high priority for their mental health while have a very low priority on the spiritual. Anyway, please enjoy my diamond--my initial depiction of perfect health when trying to define it myself.

Perfect Health

Except now on reflection, I don't know anyone who is a perfect diamond. More or less, we are all various shapes of quadrilaterals. I looked at my own diamond model and tried to determine what sort of form I would take. Currently with school, I find myself expanding on the side of mental (LOL) and because of the type of  field I'm entering into (advance practice nursing), I find that my spiritual side is also expanding. It's interesting to me that I used the word "currently" in describing my health. I am learning that health is dynamic and in perpetual transition. Anyway, while focusing so much on the mental and spiritual, my already small social side has diminished to nil and the maintenance of my physical health has shifted. 

What health really looks like

Anyway, I want to switch gears and address that nagging "physical health" aspect. Previous to returning to school, the gym was my second home. My mantra of health was the same as the rest of Western society: "Fat Bad, Lean Good." It's a given that too skinny is bad as well.

We know that fat is bad.

We know that anorexia is bad.

But what about this?

Being far removed from going to the gym 5+ days a week, I have gained some new insights. This woman on the right is not the picture of health, either. Sure, she is in pristine physical shape (IMO), but to what cost? (And there are many that would look at this picture and they would not see health, they would see an unattractive "bulky" or "manly" figure, but I digress.)

Even going to the gym as frequently as I did and for the moment in time I "cleaned up" my diet, I was no where close to looking like this. Let's consider, then, what constitutes health--I could argue that she is not the picture of health. She is not a perfect diamond. She totally blows physical health out of the water, no doubt, but what about the other aspects?

While being bombarded with images like these at the grocery checkout line recently, I objectively considered the cost and effort to look like her. There is no way I could be like her and maintain my other priorities; my other priorities are extremely important and rewarding to me. It was an "AHA!" moment a few weeks ago when I recognized that I am not a failure because I am not ready for a magazine cover photo. In fact, spending time in the pursuit of my other priorities have created intense feelings of self-satisfaction. 

Don't misunderstand, this blog entry isn't an attempt to excuse bad health behaviors--without good physical health, the other aspects of health will also suffer. And truthfully, I don't know the exact reason I felt compelled to write about this topic. I think it's because I want to see others being more kind to themselves, to recognize that there isn't a start or end point to health. I hope that we can begin rejecting the notion that there is only one right way to exist and all others are somehow a form of failure.  We are all in motion, our health--physical, spiritual, social and mental--included.

With this explanation, here's my cornball "feel-good" suggestion: Go live your best life on your own terms.

A Nation of Stuff

My beautiful daughter turned 10 last week so on Friday we celebrated with family and 12 of her friends.

This picture doesn't even begin to show how many gifts she received for her big day.

We brought home these new treasures to recognize that she did not have any space in her room to put them. It forced us into an impromptu spring cleaning and I was surprised by how much she was willing to donate.

This picture doesn't show the items we ended up recycling or throwing away--things that are not accepted at thrift stores such as partially used coloring books or half a page of stickers. We could always lie to ourselves and say that we will eventually use these items, but as we wiped off several years of dust from them it was ridiculously obvious that they had to go.

But I look at the pile of stuff and I think about how much she didn't play with these toys. It killed me to see several pairs of shoes (and consider the associated price tags) that didn't have more than a couple weeks worth of wear--she had so many shoes that even when rotating through them she was never able to make good use of them before her feet became too big. Stuff! TOO MUCH STUFF!!!

And this leads me to thinking about the bigger picture. We are so focused on stuff. You send a kid to a birthday party and it is an expectation that he comes home with a goody bag full of pencils, cheap dollar-store toys and stale candy.  You know, STUFF. Through evolution it has become the natural inclination of man to hoard--initially a survival instinct, now a possible source of a mental health disorder, so we hang onto this crap. You don't want to throw the stuff away because somebody went out of their way to give it to you and someday you might actually need it.

But before we ever decided to hang onto this crap, we purchased it. We somehow had it in our minds that these purchases were necessary, it had to be done. And we gift-wrapped the stuff in fancy paper and plastic to try to impress the receiver with the burden inside.

Take it back even further and consider the amount of time Americans work. We work 40+ hours a week to have the money to purchase the stuff and the space to put the stuff in. In the meantime, we are exhausted, overweight and depressed. Those eight pairs of shoes in the picture weren't necessities but somehow I felt that they were needed at the cost of X number of hours at a job that is only so-so in my book.

This stuff will ultimately end up 1) in the garbage 2) in the garage or 3) at the thrift store. And while the last option sounds reasonable, even charitable, I don't know that some of the things being passed along and re-purchased are really favors and acts of goodwill(<--- "acts of goodwill," get it?! LOL.)

Then my last step (leap) takes us all the way to the national debt. It's the best of times and the worst of times, nationally speaking. I consider how people tell me that times are hard, but I'm thinking it's all relative. It's hard in comparison to the Clinton years, yes. But it's not hard compared to the Great Depression, or the pioneer days, or the Stone Age. We have redefined what necessities are, have become a country of STUFF and are completely unwilling to give it up no matter the debt and expense and overflowing landfills and polluted air and we say that times are hard.

We are slaves to our jobs. We are slaves to taxes. We are running out of room. We are slaves to our stuff. But we are volunteer slaves and I propose that we start a liberation. And more than anyone else, I'm telling myself that I should really start with not buying so much STUFF!

Women's Rights in 2013, a book review (and then some) of Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In"

Recently I finished listening to Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In on audiobook after the suggestion of a dear friend. It is a feminist book encouraging women to be successful in their careers and lives. For the most part, I found myself thinking "YES! This is what I've always thought but never had the forum to say it!" A woman, performing the equivalent work as a man, is compensated with less. Women are always the person in a relationship to forfeit careers, dreams and goals for her family. Women love to compete with and tear other women down. By highlighting these things with research and anecdotes, she is able to say the things that my friends roll their eyes at when I say them.

Sexism is alive and rampant and I want to suggest that it's probably our own (women's) damn fault at this point. In reflection of my life, it's always been the men in my life--friend, supervisors, boyfriends--that have recognized my potential and either encouraged me or paved some of  the way for me to be successful. Then I consider the women influences in my life and it's a fuzzy, grey abstract with only a few distant examples from my military career. In fact, it was only women (not all of them, but some of them) who told me to "get real" or other comments to instill doubt. Only with starting my Master's degree have I finally met strong, intellectual and ambitious women that I can learn from and consider my mentors. (These include the FNP I work with, my preceptors, instructors and fellow students.) I agree with Sandberg that it is for women to start lifting up other women. She was vague in her book on how to do this, but I have a little checklist I would like to propose:

1) Don't be the one to instill doubt.
If a friend tells you she wants to aspire to a successful career, please don't "look out for her" by asking questions such as "What about your husband? Who will take care of the baby?" or comments such as "Make sure you take time for yourself" or "Just remember the important things." These sorts of comments make a person second guess themselves, make them question if they can really have it all.
Let's be honest, these sorts of things would never be said to a man. While said with good intentions, they are not helpful.

Instead:

2) Be encouraging
How? Provide feedback such as "You will be amazing! I think you'd make a great executive!" or "That sounds challenging, but if anyone can do it, you can." Of course be sincere. If nothing encouraging comes to mind, you can say something like "That's a good goal. Good luck!" And like they said in Bambi "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."

3) Remember other women are not your competition. The only person to compete against is yourself or the person vying for the same position as you, female or male.

Anyway, there were a few things that I didn't appreciate in Sandberg's book. She says that we still can't act like men even in traditionally male roles. Where a man can simply list off his accomplishments as proof of his value, a woman is perceived as bragging and being self-centered. Instead, Sandberg encourages women to continue to be "communal" to get what we want--identify a need that you can fill, explain how it can be fixed and what you intend to do to "help." Gag me. It's frustrating because she has a point. When I served as a sergeant I could lead the same ways as a man but I was called a "bitch" where my male counterparts were just taking care of business. It's not that I want to act or be manly, but I just want to be matter-of-fact instead of dancing around the circle. Instead of insisting that women still have to act different, I wish that Sandberg offered a way to change the perception--a way of coming to full androgyny in the professional realm.

There were some naysayers to Sandberg's book--mostly stay-at-home moms, single-moms, those coming from poverty, and racial minorities. As a single-mom who hated "staying at home" and has pushed her way through poverty while attending grad school alongside quite a few racial minorities, I return the NAY to these naysayers. Sandberg acknowledges her privileges and she was still able to reach me. She never belittled those who choose a different perspective or life path. Just because one doesn't agree with her doesn't make her wrong.

All-in-all, a great read for everyone, especially for women that are struggling to make it in A Man's World.

American Terrorists

After listening to arguments about drone strikes on OPB this weekend, I have formulated my own opinion. They are heinous and criminal. As a tax-paying American citizen, I am now a terrorist. And so are you, my friends.

Terrorism, as I understand it, is committing acts or threatening to commit acts to instill fear into the average citizen for religious, political, financial or even idealistic purposes.

The ultimate--and now, almost cliche--example of a terrorist act is 9/11. On September 11, 2001, the average citizen was minding his or her own business when we were attacked. Not only did the terrorists kill thousands of Americans, but it also instilled fear and changed so much about the way the average American lives. Though it seems absurd to you and me, the persons involved in committing the act felt that it was their obligation, their calling, their responsibility to do this.

President Obama and his administration think it is their obligation, calling and responsibility to use drone strikes to take out terrorists. There are many advantages to drone strikes compared to boots-on-the-ground: less US collateral damage and cost-savings to name the big ones.

BUT innocent, non-terrorist persons are being killed as collateral damage. We are instilling fear not just in our known enemies, but the average citizen. And the saddest part is that the majority of Americans aren't blinking an eye over it. By all the definitions of terrorism we have used as Americans, we now need to point the fingers at ourselves. We kill innocent people for our own interests. We are terrorists.

At least when we had boots-on-the-ground, a large part of what we did in the Middle East was try to win the "hearts and minds of the people".  Any progress in this--if there was indeed, any--is moot due to drone strikes. Drone strikes are cold and detached, unsuspecting, impersonal and vicious, as are the ones dictating their use.

Furthermore, by being terrorists, we are creating more feelings of animosity and hostility in the Middle East. Terrorist organizations might increase in size as a reaction to drone strikes. We have acted like the Bad Guy--we are the Bad Guy. I don't blame them for rising up against us.

And who the hell do we think we are? We can tell other countries what weapons they can and cannot have, but we are now telling the international community to mind their own business? We only accept international law if it works for our agenda. We are bullies kicking over everyone else's sandcastles on the playground, but no one is allowed to come near our sandbox.

Again, my ideas are only beginning to formulate, but I am strong in my opinion. For my part as a US citizen, I apologize to the international community. I am so sorry for the losses and tragedy we have caused.

Just say no to extra-judicial killings

I am no soldier.  This is my disclaimer. 

I have never believed pre-emptive war to be righteous (it tends to be more about geopolitical chess than "protecting our freedom" in our post-colonial modern age); even if the ideals seem pure, all wars are won with ideas, while good people on both sides die.

Sure, strength of arms does win battles, but ideas are the foundation for societies, and all that we do.  If an occupier fails to win the hearts and minds of the occupied, than the occupier's time is limited.  We are always changing.

I support my brothers and sisters im the armed services, I just happen to recognize that if I was (or related to) an Iranian, North Korean, Afghan, or insurrectionist in any society, I would be hard pressed to be in any position to not support my brothers and sisters in those societies.

Fortunately,  I am a simple American  with internet access, and there is no war here on the soil I reside on.  Therefore, it is easy for me to love peace.

---

Drone strikes, like assassinations, are extra-judicial killings.  Everyone who dies by them can be labelled as terrorist, extremist, or any other term the powers that be (government, media, your libertarian uncle) decide, because the dead have no opportunity to defend themselves to the living.

You want to support the troops?  Fine.  Support them and the evil they perpetuate in the name of your nation state all you want.  They are just following orders.  The problem lies in supporting the systemic abuse of executive and legislative authority that allows these things to keep happening.

While no war is moral, the war on terrorism is particularly lacking in morality,  because it is terribly hard to succeed in a war on a noun.  Such wars tend to be indefinite.  At least World War 2 had an ending point.  This war on terrorism will go on forever, because anyone can be labelled a terrorist--or, in the case of folks killed by targeted drone strikes, a potential terrorist.  Now that we are killing people based on what they might do (Iraq, Afghanistan, strikes in Yemen and Pakistan) there is even less accountability.  Our government is not worthy of our faith when it refuses to stop changing the rules.

Every time somebody dies in a drone strike, we have to take it on faith that person was a bad guy, or might do something bad.  It is bad enough that we haven't evolved to the point of seeing every human as a member of the same collective whole, but even worse when we do nothing when our government says any person, American or not, is susceptible to death by drone based on a pretense that may or may not be false.

Everyone deserves a fair trial.  If you have a gun and are killing people, then of course you are more likely to die.  But if you have done nothing but irritate the wrong government, what is to stop any government from sending a drone after you?

That is the slippery slope.  As soon as drone technology is in the hands of all nations, all nations can use the doctrine of pre-emption to kill...anyone.  We as Americans continue to set the standard for pre-emptive warfare and extra-judicial killings in violation of international law.  Let us hope no other nations follow our example, or it may be you at the receiving end of a drone strike from them, if your own government does not get to you first.

I do not mean to be so faithless in America; I was born here and I love this country and its people.  That is why I am so distressed when I see freedom dying as people slowly accept the imposition of a borderless police state in hopes of preservation of the illusion of safety.  We are better than this.  Everyone deserves due process.  Drone strikes are not due process.

Death is the next adventure.

Maria and I started this little blog with the intent of discussing current issues, and while this is certainly a passion of ours, I have to write of my spiritual evolution as well from time to time.

My grandpa lays dying slowly in front of me as I key these words from a smart phone on the hospice wi-fi.  I have been a practicing skeptical agnostic for most of my life, but something is changing.

I am not here to proselytize or preach, because I am still on my own spiritual journey, but Grandpa's steady faith has been hugely inspiring and uplifting to me.  He is serene.  While folks like me have doubts and questions, he is comforted by the knowledge that he is going to meet Jesus, and see his wife of over sixty years in heaven soon.

I have always taken a more esoteric spiritual interpretation of the Bible and its stories.  I figured heaven and hell can be states of mind and ways of being.  Striving to walk the walk of being good not for divine reward but for the natural rewards of practicing love, kindness and empathy always made the most sense to me as a human being. 

"There is no such thing as hell
But you can make it if you try
There might come a day
When emotion can be quantified

But as of now there's no proof necessary, no proof necessary, no proof necessary its only in your mind, your mind, your mind, your mind."

-"Prove It" by Bad Religion

These lyrics summed up my beliefs pretty tidily as an agnostic man.  I never had the heart to fully commit to the atheism of the man I admired most growing up (another story), but I took refuge in science and other rational philosophical ideas detached from the necessity of a creator.

I have come to a crossroads.   I am finding Faith, as my grandparents prayed I would, and it is my own.  Ideas from all that I have read and experienced in my spiritual questing swirl in my head as I attempt to reconcile some sort of unifying thread in my pattern of belief.  Science and spirit.  God(dess) and reason.  The Great Spirit above and behind it all: Creation and its entropic balance, Uncreated.

It is a journey, and I have to practice it every day.

I have a lot to learn, and nothing to preach; I only have one plea--Don't give up hope, no matter how hard things seem.  Every breath brings renewal.  Every day is brand new.  Every moment is an opportunity to grow.

May the one true God bless you all on your journeys through this moment, and all others, no matter who you are.  If you prefer a Mother Goddess to Father God, that is ok too.  It is just imagery.  I have faith that my whole self is known to my Creator, above all silly words my human mouth may spout.  Jesus has helped me, personally, but perhaps if I had been raised in a society with a different prophet (or holy one), then that would be the one I know.  I acknowledge this.  

Therefore I pray your personal journey brings you to the right path up the mountain.  Only you know your path, and my heart is with you, my friend.  Blessings upon you and your spirit.

So be it.

And Grandpa, I love you.